Consider this scenario: 

Your partner claims to love you, yet often "puts you down" in public. Your partner does not seem to value your opinion or feelings. When you want to do something special, your partner is unavailable but will later demand all of your time and attention. When you express unhappiness at certain actions, you are told, "This is just the way I am, and if you love me you will understand and accept it ."  Is this abuse, or just the normal personality differences for which people must make allowances?

Most people would just convince themselves that they need to accept the abusive behavior, "love and understand" the abuser and just go on with their lives. But we are learning that abuse can take many forms. Most of us will recognize the obvious signs of abuse such as hitting or beating.  More subtle forms of abuse, which can be as damaging as physical violence, are often overlooked such as verbal and emotional abuse.

"If I were only a better person... smarter or better looking..."

"If only I was a better cook or cleaned the house better... "

"If I only handle the children better..."

"If only..."

Most people continue to believe that it is their fault they are abused. "If only..." feverishly sweeps the mind of the one being abused convinced their actions are provoking the abuser and it can be controlled, if only…

The first thing to realize is that the abuse is not your fault. There is no justification for abusing another person whether physically, sexually, emotionally, or verbally. The abuser needs help, but the abusive behavior is not to be excused.

Know the 7 deadly signs and the red flags of abuse in a relationship and exercise your options. There are ways out of this kind of situation.  Personalize the conviction that you do not have to tolerate abusive behavior.